Do you send out a holiday letter every year?
I've been sitting here for an hour or so, struggling to write ours. Groan! OK, I'll admit, it's a wonderful way to catch up with our loved ones, share our news, both good and bad, and send our love. But coming up with the right words? Not so easy.
So I decided to write someone else's letter instead.
Some of you may remember the alien family I wrote about a few years back who landed by mistake in the parking lot of our local Walmart*. I got to wondering what their holiday letter, say, for Universal Glymphox Day, might be like. So here you have it. Enjoy!
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Dear Friends and Family,
Well, another soptic cycle has come round, and once again it's Universal Glymphox Day! So much has happened this past cycle, it's hard to even know where to begin!
First of all, we have a blessed event coming soon. Yes, Lomp'huv has laid her eggs at last in our newly painted nursery cave - all 1,243 of them. The Big Day is approaching fast - they've turned blue, and you can even see their little eyes. They sure take after their mother! We expect any day that they will burst forth and eat their egg sacs, the little darlings. Of course, then we'll need to shoo them out to swim forth into the wide world. I know none of us have forgotten Cousin Gamma, who let her hatchlings stay and was eventually eaten by them in an unguarded moment. But let's talk about more pleasant matters!
Uncle Zobrot is still recovering from his surgery. As you may remember, he has been struggling with several loose mandibles in his left head that have made it difficult to catch small prey for some time. The removal went smoothly; he's now progressed to eating grubs, and hopes to move on to small insects soon. That algae was getting very tiresome, poor guy! He sends his good wishes, especially to the small hatchlings he played Snip the Claw with the last time we got together.
This cycle we expanded our garden and added a whole section of carnivorous plants, which are the envy of the neighborhood! Our friends in the garden club have taken several tours - though after losing a few visitors, we had to erect a taller fence. We've also done some traveling, and had a wonderful time viewing the latest supernova in the Dubrox galaxy. What a light show!
More exciting news - after many training courses and examinations, Pognub has finally been promoted to Interstellar Ambassador! This has been his dream for at least three of his last mutations, so he's been glowing orange ever since we received the news. However, we're a bit concerned; there are rumors that he may be assigned to Sol Three, that lovely blue planet that's had such trouble of late. I hope not - the biped species there seem to be quite unpleasant. The way they treat their fellow species is just ridiculous. The dolphins there tell us they're absolutely fed up, and are considering growing opposable thumbs and taking over.
You remember our oldest offspring from the last hatchling, Zagnut, has been assigned a school art project in that galaxy. The little monoliths he created have been well received on many planets; I know he left several on Sol Three, and they seem to be causing some commotion. A great success!
Well, we'd better say farewell here. We hope your solar cycle was a productive one, and that you've been blessed with good health, healthy hatchings and many happy times. We love you and wish you well!
Best wishes,
Pognub and Lomp'huv Xim'phob
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Well, that was great fun! But I guess I'd better get back to my own family's letter. Enjoy, and happy holidays, whichever galaxy you live in!
* If you'd like to learn more about the Xim'phobs, here's the first time we met: https://hjerrie34.wixsite.com/website/post/aliens-drop-in-by-mistake