I had an odd experience today. I've been waiting for weeks for something I ordered on Amazon - a pedometer, in fact. I confess, I ordered it in a hurry. I didn't check the ratings. I didn't check the seller. It wasn't till I clicked "Submit Order" that I was surprised to see in the details that it wouldn't arrive for about a month. Turns out the company is in India. Oh, well. I can be patient. Sort of.
Weeks went by. I began to wonder, given how long it was taking, whether my pedometer was possibly being delivered on foot, being a pedometer and all. But as there are several large bodies of water between my house in Wisconsin and the Indian peninsula, that did seem a bit unlikely. I waited, less and less patiently as time went by. And finally, finally, the package arrived.
It was big, and bulky, and kind of heavy. I was confused - I mean, this is a little electronic gizmo about the size of my index finger. There was definitely something fishy here.
I opened the package to find a bundle of cloth. Odd. In case you're wondering, no, it wasn't a nifty walking outfit tossed in for free to honor my healthy aspirations, with a pedometer tucked inside the side pocket. It was a set of pink, purple and white batik curtains - extremely bright, tacky, smelly curtains. My husband immediately politely asked me to never, ever put them on our windows. I fervently agreed.
I sat down to plumb the depths of Amazon reviews, and there, down in the echoing murk of the Really Awful Sellers, was my seller, the Tye 'N Dye Store, and a long, long list of complaints by plaintive buyers. One woman ordered a toaster. After waiting three months, she got an ugly tie-dyed dress. Another women ordered a set of rechargeable toothbrush heads, and - oh, look! She got the same kind of curtains I did. Another customer ordered a coffee maker, and got - you guessed it, an ugly, smelly, tie-dyed dress. He wasn't amused.
Down in the depths of Consumer Hell, there is, apparently, a special alcove for buyers like us, the impulsive ones who never take time to do our homework. You can't miss us. We're the ones wearing ugly, tie-dyed dresses. Weeping into smelly curtains, ripped into handkerchiefs. You can hear our muffled cries of, "I want my money back!" Walk by us, friends, with head bowed in respect. Learn from our mistakes.
I hope that somewhere, down the next steamy hall, there's a room reserved for the cold-hearted thieves who prey on us poor gullible souls. And I hope they're condemned to wear ugly tie-dyed dresses. I'd recommend the pink, purple and white ones. The smellier, the better.
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